[18 Apr 2003|04:24pm] i'm certain: i'm in love. i'm scared. post comment

morrissey knows how i feel [10 Jan 2003|03:51pm] me, right now, in two lines: "i was happy in the haze of a drunken hour, but heaven knows i'm miserable now. i was looking for a job, and then i found a job, and heaven knows i'm miserable now." post comment

movies [07 Jan 2003|10:46am] Gangs of New York - Daniel Day-Lewis is fucking incredible. if he doesn't win an oscar, there is no God. dicaprio and diaz were adequate at best. the movie itself, unfortuntely, has no soul. by the end, i just didn't give a damn how it turned out. very disappointing (except for Day-Lewis). C- Catch Me If You Can - another christmas dicaprio movie. this one i liked. dicaprio was perfect for this role. his best performance yet. Chris Walken ruled all of his scenes. and best of all, spielberg didn't fuck this one up with a typical let's-tie-up-all-the-loose-ends-in-the-last-five-minutes-and-send-everyone-home-happy spielberg ending. B About Schmidt - i had high hopes. it's by the guy who's responsible for "election" and it's got jack giving a performance everyone says he'll win an oscar for. i didn't get it. there were a few funny moments, but the movie was slow. i looked at my watch (phone) a few times. jack's performance was...nothing special. it seems all the praise for jack is because he's not acting like "jack." i don't think that's enough of a reason to give someone an oscar. the movie did though have a great final scene...and kathy bates naked. C post comment

[07 Nov 2002|12:32pm] i just paid off a credit card. that gives ya (meaning "me") a damn good feeling. i still have about $1,500 on the other one though. i should have it paid off in a couple weeks i think. post comment

attention please [04 Nov 2002|05:37pm] just a note to myself for when i'm reading this crap later: johnny, a lot of your posts are going to be private, since your life has about as much drama now as a seventh grade co-ed slumber party. some things just shouldn't be talked about in public even if only strangers are listening. post comment

[04 Nov 2002|12:26am] oh yeah, i forgot to mention, i was preparation h raymond for halloween. at the party the saturday before halloween NOBODY knew who i was. it was depressing. halloween night i took my ears with me to the show/party but didn't put them on. i was waiting in line for the bathroom and talking to some girl who asked me "do you have a costume?" "i just have these ears" i put one on. "you could be preparation h raymond!" i couldn't believe it. i was so excited. post comment

[01 Nov 2002|01:46am] yesterday (wednesday) Insight finally called me back. they officially offered me a job! i will be making $42,500/yr. plus free cable (every channel) plus free cable internet access. woohoo! i just hope i'll be able to do what the expect me to do. i told them what my experience with web "design"ing is, and they hired me anyway. i hope they're not looking for a first class graphic's guy. i can't wait to start. i'm starting nov. 14. my last day at my current job is nov 8, which will give me the weekend + 3 days off. i can't wait. i'll actually be making real money again. tonight (halloween) i went to a party/show at the lava house. a bunch of bands played. they all played cover songs. it was cool and lame at the same time. (cool bands lame crowds). there was some drama. see my next post (i will see it. it will be private.). post comment

[25 Oct 2002|12:44am] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | conan ] today andy (obnoxious asshole at work) was a couple hours late getting to work. he had a doctor's appointment. actually, his girlfriend had a doctor's appointment. turns out she's 6 weeks pregnant. why am i not surprised? poor fucking kid. he is quite the asshole. i (obviously) do not mind cussing, but he cusses like no other. he cannot complete a sentence without using expletives. "i have to use the bathroom" would be "i have to fucking piss." that's just he kind of guy he is. speaking of cussing, i've been doing my fair share lately. should i try to cut back? does it matter? i don't know. most of my cursing has been done under my breath though. i talk to myself. it's comforting when you have no one else to talk to. now a message to those who need to hear this. i hope it jumps from the internet and grabs a telepathic highway straight to their brains. INSIGHT - CALL ME DAMN IT. I NEED YOUR MONEY. i'm calling monday afternoon if i don't hear from them first. in other news, i started feeling lonely tonight, so i had three (large) shots of whiskey. it does numb the pain. at least i'm not an obnoxious asshole with a pregnant girlfriend. post comment

[24 Oct 2002|01:50am] man, i am busy. i got up at 8:30 (ok, more like 9:30 - damn snooze button) and went to work. got off work at 7 and came home. played music with joe until 10. took a shower and washed shelby. then i took care of ebay crap - emailing people and packing items. i didn't even have time to list any more crap. i finally now get to relax at 1:45 am. tomorrow i shall rest. thursdays are the only days that i don't have regular plans. but i'm not complaining. i'd rather be busy than bored. i need winter clothes. i'm wearing the same 9 or so shirts/sweaters all the time, which are the same 9 or so shirts/sweaters i wore all last fall/winter. but i can't afford to go shopping. insight needs to hurry up and give me a start date. i need the damn money. let's see if i can write something positive this time: punch-drunk love opens here friday. i cannot wait. the only person i know who is more excited than i is scott. he called the theatres today just to make sure it would be there and what times. um, what else? er, nothing. post comment

[23 Oct 2002|01:31am] i felt motivated today. brian sent me a typed running commentary on my screenplay, which makes me excited about that again. joe and i have been having a lot of fun playing music, so i'm excited about that too. i feel charged up, like i'm going to really get stuff done now. whatever keeps my mind occupied. post comment

[22 Oct 2002|09:54am] i had a dream last night some of my friends tried to kill me. they shot me in the back with arrows and stabbed me in the leg. i really don't like the morbid/sad tone this journal is taking. i just need one single great thing to happen to me. i need something good i can dwell on to keep my mind from dwelling on other things. post comment

a tractor rape chain saved my life. [21 Oct 2002|12:24am] gbv played friday night. i somehow drank about a half of a fifth (is that a tenth?) before and during the show. gbv played about 2.5 hours, but it seemed like ten minutes. that was certainly partly due to my level of intoxication. tractor rape chain sounded so incredibly good i kept saying "that song just saved my life!" i just meant that's how good it sounded. i didn't have a handful of pills ready to swallow or anything. the show ended. me and brian b went to the mag bar and cahoots. all i remember is the mag bar sucked. i don't remember what we did or who we saw or what we talked about. i was too far gone. i came home after four and vomited. i half-missed the toilet the first time, so in between my subsequent heaves i would wipe up the toilet/ground. i've really got to find another way to forget my problems/make myself happy. this drinking crap is gonna kill me. so saturday i go out and drink some more(, although not nearly as much). today i got a pumpkin. i still feel empty. post comment

[17 Oct 2002|04:35pm] today on the way to work a dump truck side-swiped my car. he merged into me. basically, his tires rode along the side of my car. he didn't even feel it. i had to follow him until he came to a stoplight where i then jumped out and banged on his door. damage estimate: $1,700. someone from insight called me today. i had to go pee in a cup. if things continue this way October 2002 will go down in history as the worst month of my life. post comment

[17 Oct 2002|01:34am] i got a bed! it's so comfortable. i had no idea where i was going to put my futon until my brother called asking if he could put it in his room. heck yeah. i'm tired. i will now utilize my new bed to dream of finding someone to utilize it with. post comment

...Drive-by Truckers on every one, or maybe just DBT... [29 Aug 2002|01:18am] [ music | Drive by Truckers - Pizza Deliverance ] it was a perfect night at the waterfront. the temperature was ideal for the t-shirt and jeans i was wearing. i probably should've been wearing long sleeves too - gotta watch out for that west nile virus. speaking of what i was wearing, for the second day in a row me and brian b were wearing the same thing for the second day in a row - plain brown t-shirt and blue jeans. (yes we were both wearing brown t-shirts and blue jeans yesterday). we looked so cute next to each other. but i don't care what he tells you; he is not my doppleganger. we parked far away and walked the distance to where the bands were to play. we realized the ground was wet from the earlier rain, so i walked all the way back to the car, got the blanket, and walked all the way back to the show. by the time i got back i had blisters on both of my little toes from the sandals i was wearing. i was wearing the sandals because my heel is all scabbed over and it hurts too much to wear shoes. so let's see - my heel will heal and then i still won't be able to wear shoes because of my tiny toes. and i won't be able to wear sandals either because they're what caused the blisters anyway. so if you see me in the near future and i'm barefoot - don't worry - i'm not a hippy - i've just got sore toes. DBT was awesome. a three guitar rock'n'roll assault on the senses. you could hear it, see it, feel it, smell it and taste it. they ripped my face off. i had to feel on the ground til i found it and mush it back onto my face. BUT they did not play one single song from Pizza Devliverance. how disappointing. MMJ was great too, but i've seen them a hundred times playing the same songs - plus i was worn out from DBT so we left after about thirty minutes of their set. i've been watching a lot of movies lately. that happens when you spend all day sitting around hoping a job falls into your lap. today i watched Smokey and the Bandit (6/10 - funny) and Fearless (8/10 - much better than i expected). i also saw the end of Little Nicky. what a stinker. this weekend i might be going down to rough river with my parents since it's labor day weekend and whatnot. i'm going to insist on taking shelby. she LOVES swimming. there's nothing like some quality time with your dog. post comment

obligated [28 Aug 2002|02:51am] [ music | Son Volt - Trace ] tomorrow is the Drive-by Truckers, My Morning Jacket show down at the waterfront for F-R-E-E. DBT will probably play a lot from Southern Rock Opera, but i hope we get at least a few choice cuts from Pizza Deliverance. i bet they're gonna rock. i'll report tomorrow 'yay' or 'nay'. i think Yankee Hotel Foxtrot is the best album of the year thus far. i am disappointed in the new Spoon. i am also disappointed in my ability to write any songs worth playing twice. i just can't seem to get 'in the groove.' later this week i am going to attempt to 'return' unopened games to wal-mart. i know they have limits; i'm just going to have to figure out what they are. i think someone can only return three items without a receipt. so, i'll return three items to every wal-mart in the city. then i'll get my friends to return three items to every wal-mart until i'm out of games or friends, whichever comes first. i finally bought another GameCube (on ebay). i'll finally get to play Eternal Darkness and Mario Sunshine. there are a whole lot of games coming out before the end of the year that i want to play, but damn those things are a colossal waste of time when there are more creative and rewarding things i could be doing. -not to mention i can't afford any of this crap. still no job interviews. still sending my resume out everyday. still hopin' and prayin' and wishin' and playing the lottery. i need to buy a ticket or two tomorrow. kelly is giving me a little work, about $100 every week. anything else? post comment

work day blues [15 Aug 2002|12:16am] [ music | Spoon - Kill the Moonlight ] i saw Road to Perdition today. it was pretty good. definitely not a bad movie. i found myself noticing how overly dramatic the score was though. i think they should have toned that down a bit. it almost made parts of the movie over-dramatic; almost gave it a soap opera feel. when i make a serious movie, the really serious scenes will have no score playing. i think no music makes the scene feel more real, more stark, and therefore it's more effective. then, after the movie i mosied on over to Target where i filled out an electronic application. the most embarrassing part of the application went something like this: Expected Hourly Pay: 1. $5.50 - $6.00 2. $6.00 - $6.50 3. $6.50 - $7.00 4. $7.00 - $7.50 5. over $7.50 (i checked "over $7.50") then: Last Employer: (i filled in:) FirstEgg, LLC address etc Hourly Wage at Last Job: $22.50 last year i was making what averaged out to $22.50/hr, now i was applying for a job that, if i am lucky, will pay $9.50/hr. i GOTTA go back to school, so i have a good excuse for working shitty jobs. post comment

[13 Aug 2002|03:09am] I'm watching Fellini's Satyricon right now. There is a crowd of naked people jumping up and down in place with their hands behind their back. Good ol' Fellini. I went with jackie today thrift store shopping in indiana. we kept getting lost, but it was ok, because there were antique/thrift stores everywhere we got lost. i had fun. i think we covered the entire lower half of indiana during our eight hour excursion. no amazing finds, but a few good ones. that's all for now post comment

[08 Jun 2002|07:09pm] [ mood | amused ] this is my journal. i will write in it as such. there will be no editing. there will be no effort to produce "good writing." i will write what comes to mind. this is for my personal expression and (in the future) recollection. it begins. post comment

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